Everywhere we look we are confronted with messages of Christmas – ‘the most wonderful time of the year’, ‘a time to be merry’, ‘the season to be jolly’. And yet, for those who have lost a loved one, the pressure of embracing the sense of merriment over the festive period can stir up many challenging and conflicting feelings and emotions.

It’s a time of year when feelings of isolation become more acute. And it’s not unusual to ‘not want to do Christmas at all’ but no one wants to be labelled a Grinch at Christmas.

For every person seeking a Christmas of joy, there is another seeking a Christmas of comfort.

No two people will experience grief in the same way, it is as unique as a snowflake. For some, staying close to traditions can bring great comfort and an opportunity to share memories.

Lisa Henry is the bereavement counsellor at Wakefield Hospice.

In contrast, introducing new traditions can help manage some of the more difficult feelings of absent family members.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Loved ones coping with loss may choose to spend Christmas alone. That’s okay too. Simply let them know there are no expectations, the invitation is open, and they are welcome for as much or as little as they feel they can manage, without any judgement.

For people facing their first Christmas without a loved one, the long, dark winter nights can be a daunting prospect. However, others may embrace the dark nights. Closing curtains early can feel like a relief.

It is important not to shut ourselves off completely from the outside world. If you can have a couple of options over Christmas it may help to navigate your way through the season.

A common question is: “How do I speak to someone who has lost a loved one,” a conversation people can find extra-challenging at Christmas-time.

Ask the question: “How are you?” and be prepared to accept the answer, which might be short, long, happy or sad, but resist the tendency to avoid it through fear of what to say.

The question shouldn’t just be a token gesture, ask the question with sincerity and recognise the value of being present for the reply - an individual will remember your warmth more than your words.

If you have lost a loved one, Christmas may be the first time you have to write a card without signing their name. If it doesn’t feel right for you this year, consider swapping to a festive text message instead or don’t send any - you could consider making a donation in lieu of cards to a charity which was close to their heart.

Creating memory boxes and memory jars with family and friends can provide a positive way to reflect and remember, or equally you may feel more comfortable doing this by yourself. It is OK to be alone at Christmas, but do try to accept invitations from those who make you feel comfortable and safe, even if it is just for an hour or so.

Try to get outdoors if you can and take in some fresh air. Do not rely on alcohol, it may seem to help at first but it reverses its own effect and won’t help in the long run. Instead try to drink water daily and take things one day at a time, if the only thing you do for the day is go for a walk, that is enough. If you are in need of further support, do not be afraid to use the many free services which are available to anyone dealing with bereavement, at Christmas and indeed all year round.

However you spend your Christmas and whoever you spend Christmas with, shared memories of your special person can bring you warmth and comfort this festive season.

Lisa Henry is bereavement counsellor at Wakefield Hospice.

Take steps to help cope with bereavement at Christmas - Lisa Henry