Jayne Dowle: Just let parents get on with bringing up their children

A new book, Fifty Dangerous Things You Should Let Your Children Do, suggests all of these as suitable activities. It sounds mad, and it is American. But I wonder if there might be some sense in it.

I'd draw the line at CDs in the microwave, but I think it is vital for parents to encourage experimentation and adventure.

I agree with Gever Tulley, the book's author, that we have all become far too over-protective. I've not consciously railed against the cotton-wool culture which seems to prevail in all aspects of modern parenting. I'm simply happy to let my kids take a chance.

For instance, I wouldn't allow my four-year-old daughter, Lizzie, to boil water herself, but I do let her help me get the dinner ready. This involves knives, cookers, and spills. Only last night, she stood there with her little oven gloves on, itching to get the fish out of the oven.

I supervise, of course, but visiting parents have been known to take a sharp intake of breath when they see her brandishing the potato peeler. She is an independent little soul, and I figure that if I don't let her "help", she will take matters into her own hands when my back is turned. Better to let her think she is involved than exclude her from kitchen activities and make her frustrated, with potentially disastrous consequences.

It's the same with Jack. He's seven, and when his friends come round, they play for hours unsupervised in the garden. Wrestling on the trampoline, climbing trees, whacking footballs at each other… I keep my eye on them from the kitchen window, but I wouldn't dream of venturing down to the bottom of the garden to stand over them. They have to gain independence.

I've known the "cotton-wool issue" sever long-standing friendships. Families divide into those whose kids are perceived to "run riot" and those who play quietly with adults hovering constantly over them,

telling them what to do.

Perhaps I'm just lazy. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing some crucial modern parenting gene. If I'm honest, I'd rather just let my two get on with it, while I get on with something else. And the sooner both of them learn to iron, the better.

But, actually, I think that it has a lot to do with having confidence in your own ability as a parent. And, in general, this confidence has gradually been eroded these past few decades, aided and abetted by the social policies and parenting ideals which were designed to do the very opposite.

A generation or so ago, people just had children and got on with bringing them up. But now, parenting has become a lifestyle choice. We invest so much of our time, energy and ambition in our offspring, they end up becoming projections of angst-ridden adults. If you are constantly worrying about what people might think and fret about "doing the right thing", these fears will be transmitted to your children.

Then there is the avalanche of advice which bombards you from the

moment the line turns blue on the pregnancy test. New parents soon get the idea that having a baby is the hardest job in the world. It is, of course, but it is also a time of excitement and exploration. All too often, though, parents are made to feel inadequate to the task before they even start. It sends them into panicked paralysis.

And then there is the guilt. Organic everything, to work or not to

work, improving toys, banning television… Frankly, I've found that the best way to deal with most of these issues is to ignore them.

As their children grow older, it gets worse, until they lose all

ability to judge for themselves what is safe and acceptable. The result is parents driven demented by worry, and children who have no idea of how to stand on their own two feet.

Millions and millions of pounds have been pumped into "supporting families" by this Labour Government. And for some vulnerable parents, initiatives such as Sure Start have taught vital skills and made a difference to their lives.

But it makes me wonder if all we have to measure the success of the most "family-friendly" government ever is the number of paranoid

parents who are bringing up the nation's children?

If any of the political parties seriously want to help families, they should take note, and leave us to get on with it. What's the worst that could happen?

There's no need to answer that one. Just keep the CDs away from the microwave.