Hope but also possible heartache as adopted children click into their past

A second or so later the results appeared on screen. There were three possibilities and when no one else was around, she sent the same message to each and waited for a reply.

When it came a few days later, Emma was unsure what to do next. She knew her mother had been a drug addict and she had also been told her father had a history of violence, but curiosity got the better of her. Soon they were exchanging dozens of messages each week and, living only a few miles apart, it wasn't long before they also arranged

to meet.

"Emma was incredibly excited about being reunited with her parents, in an instant she forgot about the drug taking and the violence," says her adopted mother Marie, who discovered the contact by accident. "She'd also found her father on Facebook and now they both have access to some very personal information, from the name of her school to the village where we live.

"It's hard because they have both told Emma they love her and miss her and when either me or my husband tries to talk about it, she just flies into a rage.

"We both understand that she wants to have her birth parents in her life, but all we want is for Emma to be safe and not have her expectations raised.

"We don't want to push her into a corner, but we are desperately worried that she might run away."

Emma's story is becoming increasingly common. Adoption services have always adhered to strict guidelines when it comes to managing contact between adopted children and their birth parents. However, recently those carefully laid plans have been completely upended with the arrival of Facebook.

Now those wanting to find out more can bypass the formal channels and the repercussions of secret contact are causing increasing concern.

"It's something which has definitely become particularly prevalent in the last year or so," says Eileen Fursland, who has been working with the British Association for Adoption and Fostering on new guidance to cover social networking. "The more I talked to social workers, the more it became apparent just what impact sites like Facebook are having. As one social worker said: 'I felt as though my role so far has been to run along behind with a mop."

More than 23 million people aged 13 and over in the UK are on Facebook and the numbers are growing. However, with the site providing instant answers to questions adopted children haven't dared or felt able to ask, social workers are braced for a steady stream of calls from worried parents.

In North Yorkshire, there have been a dozen or so cases so far, but as with most authorities it's likely that is just the tip of the iceberg.

"Young people can be quite impulsive and they tend not to think about the consequences of their actions or where a brief conversation can lead," says Eileen. "Instant messaging can feel very private and intimate and it allows teenagers to write things which they wouldn't dare say face to face. They share personal information about themselves and others in a way that many adults would find inappropriate or

shocking and checking for emails and Facebook messages can become compulsive.

"Sadly, what starts as something incredibly natural and innocent can end in a tangled mess. Even with an intermediary, being reunited with birth parents can be fraught. Without that safety net it can be emotional dynamite."

So far the majority of cases have involved teenagers searching for their birth parents. However, it can and does work the other way round. In one incident, a father with a long history of schizophrenia got in touch with his adopted daughter while living in secure accommodation and for those who regret the adoption, the ease with which it is now possible to

get back into a child's life is proving too tempting.

"It's important not to demonise birth parents," says Eileen. "Some feeling starved of information, just want reassurance that their child is okay. Others may not know how to go through the proper channels. When a child is adopted, their new surname is meant to be kept secret, but often it slips out inadvertently. Even without a surname, someone who is determined enough and prepared to put in the time can piece together bits of information. Unfortunately, even with the best intentions this kind of unsolicited contact can be incredibly

destabilising. A message, for example, can drop on the day they are supposed to take their GCSE or when they are going through a

particularly difficult time at home. Once it's sent, there is no going back."

Attitudes to adoption have moved on from the bad old days. In many

cases, social workers encourage what's known as letterbox contact, where photos and letters can be exchanged through a third party and the historical stigmas and taboos have been eroded and replaced with much greater openness. While the arrival of Facebook may pose new problems, absolute honesty may now be the only way forward.

"Historically, it was thought that adoption was best kept secret

because it was seen as new start in life for the child," says Eileen. "However, it often led to bombshells being dropped much later on and since the 1970s that tide of secrecy has gradually been turned.

"The letterbox system has helped adopted children maintain a link with the past and face to face contact with either their birth parents or brothers and sisters who have been adopted into other families is not unusual.

"It's perfectly normal and natural that as children grow up they want to know more about where they came from and adoptive parents are encouraged to be open right from the start, no matter how unpalatable or painful the truth might be.

"If children know the facts and know their adoptive parents aren't going to be hurt or angry if they mention their birth mother or father, when they get to an age when they want to know more, they are more likely to be upfront about it."

In some cases, while Facebook contact may have been unexpected and initially upsetting, ultimately it has also been positive with some children feeling like they have found the final piece of a jigsaw. However, for all those involved it remains unchartered territory.

"We can't bury our heads in the sands or stop children using computers," adds Eileen. "However, parents should talk to their adopted children about privacy and the dangers of putting mobile phone numbers and other personal information on the internet.

"Some parents, who have discovered their child is in contact with a birth parent, have opted to say nothing and instead monitor the conversations. However, if a child discovers they are being checked-up on, they may become even more secretive.

"We can't tell right now exactly how all of this will unfold or where it will take us, but Facebook and social networking is not going to go away and the impact is something we all need to face up to."