Expert answers: My mother tells me to dress my age

Image-conscious women don’t “dress their age” until they are 70 years old, according to a new report.

The research for Debenhams found an overwhelming 89 per cent of women aspire to dress younger than their years with 55 per cent citing 70 as the age they felt they would be, or had been happy to dress their age.

However, 45 per cent of women said that their seventies would be no barrier to dressing and looking younger.

Debenhams asked customers if they had ever dressed their age following revelations from personal shoppers that 95 per cent of female clients aim to look more youthful.

Carie Barkhuizen, spokesperson for Debenhams, said: “You only have to look at celebrity examples like Elle Macpherson and Sophia Loren to see that women are looking younger than ever.

“So it’s no surprise that our customers are also dressing for how they feel, rather than what it says on their driver’s licence – and we want to encourage them.

“Thanks to the access women have to fashion and beauty advice, it’s now much easier to project a younger look than ever before.”

However, it’s not always about looking younger.

Over 70 per cent of women said they styled themselves to look older in their teens to impress older boys or get into pubs and bars.

Women’s twenties also emerged as a decade for dressing older, with nearly 80 per cent giving career progression as the reason.

Most women felt that their thirties and forties were torn between dressing frumpier when adjusting to demands of babies and small children and a growing concern with looking younger.

Over 50 per cent said they started to dress younger in their thirties and 90 per cent admitted they had started to dress younger by their mid-forties.

One 80-year-old participant said that her fashion strategy was still to look young and trendy. Alain Mehada, Debenhams personal shopper said: “Age defiance is about dressing for your shape and size, rather than dressing like a 20-year-old. Wearing clothes that suit your body will make you feel confident and instantly take years off.” The top five items suggested by customers for feeling and looking younger were; well-fitted, supportive underwear, such as shapewear, trendy accessories, high heels, fitted jackets and contemporary make-up.

In stark contrast, only 12 per cent of men said they had ever thought about dressing to look younger.

Paul Charlson

GP from Brough

YOUR mother is a bit boring to be honest. There is a point I guess when certain things do look a bit silly but well groomed long hair is not one of them. I cannot see what is wrong with fairly short skirts either provided you have the legs for them and that is not an age specific thing at all. Clearly some aspects of dress do look wrong but I suspect you have the sense to know what looks right. My answer is forget what your mother says and go for it. As for your confidence, get a good hair cut, make up and stylish clothes and if you have the means go and see a cosmetic doctor, a little work can do wonders.

Elaine Douglas

A chartered psychologist who specialises in family and child relationships

It’s sad that your mother is sapping your confidence by criticising your appearance. You have reached an age when we all re-evaluate how we look and in a sense have to come to terms with the fact that we are unlikely to regain the dress size that we had when we were in our 20s or 30s. As we get older our shape changes, sometimes radically and sometimes imperceptibly, our skin isn’t as taut as it once was and it can be very difficult to maintain a positive body image – something that is crucial for our own feelings of self worth.I don’t necessarily think that there is a code of what you should wear at a certain age, everyone’s taste is different, and as long as you feel comfortable in your own skin then you shouldn’t let the opinions of others get to you. However, I think that from time to time we all need to take stock of things and maybe this is an opportunity for you to look at your wardrobe, your hairstyle and make up etc. We can all get in a rut whereby we carry on in the same old vein – so try and look at what your mother has said from a positive angle.

Cary Cooper

Professor of Organisational Psychology and Health at Lancaster University

IN the end, you need to do what you need to do. Your mother may have good intentions but to tell a 52-year-old daughter to behave in a particular way, although with motherly concern, is probably going too far.

Her comments have obviously made you think about why you do certain things, but in the end if it makes you feel good and more self-confident, then it is meeting your needs at this moment in time and you should do what you want to do.

As a parent of four, I find it difficult not to give advice to my older children, it is fatal flaw of the role.

Dr Carol Burniston

Consultant Clinical Child Psychologist

I hope that you dress to make you feel good about yourself as it is a way of expressing your individuality. I am sure that your mother has an opinion, but unless you are hearing the same one from your friends and other family, I suggest you carry on as you are. If your mother has created some doubt in yourself, gather opinions from girlfriends, colleagues or siblings. I do wonder what your mother’s objections are. You could explain to her that you are happy with your appearance and don’t feel it necessary to make any changes. People of 52 today look younger and are often fitter than their parents’ generation, we are living longer. We stay active longer and it is crucial to our health in later life to stay engaged with life and maintain our interests; if one of your interests is fashion, then that is fine. It is common to lose confidence in your appearance during the menopause, but the compensation is usually a realisation that appearance isn’t everything. We are often less responsible for our children as they grow older and we have more leisure time to participate in things we enjoy. Post menopause many women report feeling energised and confident again.

MAKING MOST OF WHAT YOU HAVE

PROGRAMMES like Gok Wan’s How to Look Good Naked enables women to make the most of what they have by working with their body shape to enhance their appearance.

The results are stunning and with his advice and guidance so many women feel more confident and look amazing.

Start doing some research, talk to other women of a similar age and see how they present themselves – you may be surprised that what turned out to be a “go” at you results in a new and more confident you. But if you feel good about the way you look then that is the most important thing.