Divorcing a narcissist: How to spot signs and get help with a controlling, arrogant or manipulative partner

“We as family practitioners are frequently contacted by individuals who believe that their former partner, or spouse, may have narcissistic traits (or is a narcissist). This is rarely formally diagnosed but it is often the case that, upon reflecting upon the features of their former relationship, and why it failed (and for many, these features only become apparent once separated), that clients believe that their partner had/has qualities associated with being a narcissist,” say Silk Family Law

What is it?

“Narcissism is officially termed narcissistic personality disorder – a disordered view of oneself. The key features associated with narcissism are being preoccupied with one’s own needs and desires, an inflated sense of self-importance, arrogance, propensity to being manipulative, and exaggerated beliefs and abilities. This is clearly denoted as a negative personality trait to have, or to be diagnosed with.

“Someone with this disorder/with these traits finds it difficult to see issues from the other person’s perspective. As a family practitioner, this adds an additional layer of problems when attempting to assist separated parties to move forward without undue acrimony.

“It is often difficult to determine whether a person is a narcissist, whether they have some of the qualities associated, or whether there are other personality issues entirely. However, the point of highlighting this with your solicitor, or any professional that you encounter or contact for support, is so that the appropriate approach may be embarked upon because of the circumstances.”

Communication

“It flags to the professional the difficulties which may arise in communicating. It is imperative to understand the context of a client’s concerns and manipulation they may have experienced. Narcissists are characteristically controlling and often erode the confidence of the other party in a bid to maintaining that control. Therefore, any attempt by the ‘weaker’ party to move forward, or separate, will likely lead to an escalation in that behaviour.

“This may spark some recognition with you, in whole or part. We encounter this frequently as family lawyers, which is why it is important to obtain detailed background information before advancing anything. Certain words, phrases and actions may be completely inappropriate in light of what someone is able to tell you about their former partner. It is important to note that a solicitor can assist you in taking back control and ensure things move forward. Individuals are often negatively affected by the narcissistic traits of a former partner or spouse which can lead to feeling controlled, demeaned and manipulated, often through a process which leaves you questioning your ability to make decisions, having a long-term impact on confidence.

“It is important that professionals are aware of this and support clients in finding a path to progress which supports them as a result of what they have experienced.”

Further help

For more details and support contact Nia Jameson at Silk Family Law on 01748 900888 or visit www.silkfamilylaw.co.uk